You know, even though I condemn the riots in London, I feel that we’re being unfairly judged because the media is portraying people like us to be the main perpetrators. The same goes for when ever the issue of terrorism comes up. It’s as if if you’re not white, you must be a terrorist or an evil person. I’m really taking it personal because I’m black and I’m of Jamaican origin. I didn’t have a choice in the matter.
I’m really disappointed and hurt. I’m starting to wonder if the way I’ve been treated on some of these sites and in genera; being shut out of conversations and ignored is because I don’t look like the majority, both in color and looks. I’ve been trying to tell this racist cousin I have who keeps reminding me of the pre-Civil Rights era that times are changing and we must move on. Now I’m wondering if he was right. Because of the stuff he brainwashed me with when I was emotionally and mentally vulnerable, I’m always suspicious whenever there’s an issue that comes up between me and a white person. One example was while I was at school, I got removed from the approved driver’s list under questionable circumstances. I was never given any concrete answer as to why it was done. Only concerns about stuff that I did that were no different from what the other drivers of university-owned vehicles did. There could have been a legitimate concern, but the way it was done does raise my eyebrows.
Another issue that makes me feel queenly is the whole matter of immigration which has been a problem in the United States. I’ve heard some of my friends even bash legal immigration, saying we don’t belong in the US. I really found that offensive because I know the situation I’m trying to distance myself from, in particular triggers that are unhealthy for me at this point in my life. People think it’s no big deal and they’ve never even been to Jamaica so they are in no position to say anything about it. I don’t know which of my friends has that political conviction about it, hence not caring that I need better treatment for my issues, and better prospects for my obtaining a steady job that would make me feel some measure of achievement.
All I can say is that I feel uneasy on social sites and around people in general. I don’t know who’s judgemental or who’s being nice to my face but being nasty to me behind my back; for one reason or another. It just really hurts if that’s really true which I hope to God is not true. I don’t know who my friends are any more or who genuinely wants to be my friend. I can’t trust any one any more.
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airplanesmyonlyfriend 