Isn’t it amazing how fast our moods can change? I think it’s more pronounced in people who are Bipolar and who have Borderline Personality Disorder and I’m living proof of that.
Not too long ago I was feeling really great,and was responding to questions in my Formspring box and commenting on You Tube videos. I guess maybe it was because I started out by watching plane videos; in particular one of a crazy helicopter pilot who was flying his helicopter under a bridge! I found it scary and at the same time entertaining. I was even planning to write an airplane blog to give some flight lessons, but I’ll have to read them again because it’s been ages since I’ve flown; no wait, last year me and this aviation student flew from the airport that the aviation department uses for flight-training to the mall in Kennewick, Washington. There was an airstrip within walking distance and I was like, wouldn’t it be cool to take some girls to the mall in the plane? Not that I’m brave enough to ask a girl out. It was just a thought. Anyway, he actually handed the plane over to me and I got to fly it for a little bit.I was a bit nervous but I’ll do it again,but I’m straying from the point about my moods.
My moods suddenly crashed and I started crying. I can’t figure out why exactly. It just happened. If anyone else has that problem I’d love to hear from you. Could it be my either my Borderline Personality acting up or my Bipolar type two? Could it be the combination of Concerta which I should be taking for ADD, but I really want to take it to lose weight. I know at my present weight I should lose any more but I can’t help it. I guess I should be-inpatient or get therapy. I should be returning to the US to get intensive therapy and continue to see my psychiatrist who said he’d treat me for free. Could it be God working? Sometimes, even though I believe in Him; or want to believe in Him, sometimes I can’t feel Him or see Him at work despite what other people might tell me. As a result that leaves me confused, but I can tell you this much.
You see before I returned to Jamaica I’d been feverishly searching for an eating disorder center that would not only treat guys but that was affordable. That was like searching for a needle in a haystack. A few of the ones I did find were quite pricey and I have no insurance. Many of them in Washington don’t cover high-risk cases and an eating disorder is considered to be high-risk. It was when I went to my psychiatrist to figure out options that he introduced me to this therapist that if God wills I’ll work with. He then said he’d treat me for free. Are there many doctors who would do that?
Yeah I just wanted to write this out and vent about my moods swings. I’m feeling a little better just writing this out. I’m going to try to eat some jello although I’m worried it might make me gain weight. And I’m also going to watch Operation Repo on Tru TV. They say that station is based on actuality but it sounds like an oxymoron to me; based on the fact that they aren’t all that real. I guess they’re just based on true-life situations but I’ll quit talking about that lest I get sued. Take care and I’ll write some more another time.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
airplanesmyonlyfriend 