People Suck

I wouldn’t be surprised if I lose some followers or friends, but I’m just venting how I feel. In fact, if you want to delete me, go right ahead. I don’t really care any more.

Just saying that people in general suck, big time. They act one way to your face, then act another way behind your back. They’ll say one thing, then say something else behind your back which always ends up with someone getting hurt. And they’re so unpredictable! No one knows what they’ll do next.

I can remember when me and this one cousin who lived with us used to argue and I used to say that I’d rather deal with a thing than a person. My mom used to get upset with me for saying that, but that’s just how I feel. When you take your car, truck or any thing to get repaired, you’ll always be rewarded. The car will start and run so much better, and you’ll be taken from point A to point B. And you’ll get many signs that something’s gonna go wrong with your car so you know if you don’t do X Y is gonna happen. You fix the problem, and all runs smoothly. People are so much different. You think you’re going all out for them, and the next thing you know, you’re either making the problem worse, our you’re crowding their space. The end result is that someone feels hurt, left out and unappreciated.

I’ve always heard that if you move away from familiar surroundings to new ones that you should make friends. The probability of that happening is 2/10 if my math is correct; but then I suck at math. No one’s gonna regard you as a real friend. People already have their cliques that they feel comfortable with, either because of having something in common or because of knowing each other for as long as they can remember. I’ve run into this problem at school and at church; of all places. Kind of one reason why I don’t go to church very often although I believe in God.  

I’ve always gotten told that I should make new friends should I ever have to move. As far as I see it, that ain’t gonna happen! You will always be considered an outsider. Friendships take time to build up; as well as sometimes they never do. Not everyone makes friends at the same pace. Everyone’s different. I’m talking from personal experience. I’ve tried, but it always  backfires. You’ll either be made out to be clingy, or a creep, especially if you and the other person have nothing in common and I don’t have much in common with anyone. I like things and am fascinated with things that other people aren’t, and I’ve  been or are going through stuff that no one else has gone through. I realize that will creep and weird people out. To be honest I don’t blame them. I might feel that way too, especially if I’m not educated in what’s going on with the  other person.

So, as for this business of making friends or trying to  be friends, I can forget the  idea. I’ve tried but it’s never worked. And also forget this thing of trying to reach out to others, especially if you also got stuff going on. Either you’ll neglect your own needs, or be unappreciated. Not that I mind  helping people. I’d go out of my way because I’d like people to do the same for  me! People in fact have gone all out for me and I could never thank them enough. Or if you’re of a different gender from the other person, people will take things the wrong way and I don’t want to accidentally take the wrong step. Even if you’re of the same gender, things could still go wrong. So, I’ll stick to the things I  love. Airplanes, trains and music and cut people out for a while, or maybe forever.

xxxxx

Read Full Post »

Mood Swings and Airplanes ( Could be triggering)

Isn’t it amazing how fast our moods can change? I think it’s  more pronounced in people who are Bipolar and who have Borderline Personality Disorder and I’m living proof of that.

Not too long ago I was feeling really great,and was responding to questions in my Formspring box and commenting on You Tube videos. I guess maybe it was because I started out by watching plane videos; in particular one of a crazy helicopter pilot who was flying his helicopter under a bridge! I found it scary and at the same time entertaining. I was even planning to write an airplane blog to give some flight lessons, but I’ll have to read them again because it’s been ages since I’ve flown; no wait, last year me and this aviation student flew from the airport that the aviation department uses for flight-training to the mall in Kennewick, Washington. There was an airstrip within walking distance and I was like, wouldn’t it be cool to take some girls to the mall in the plane? Not that I’m brave enough to ask a girl out. It was just a thought. Anyway, he actually handed the plane over to me and I got to fly it for a little bit.I was a bit nervous  but I’ll do it again,but I’m straying from the point about my moods.

My moods suddenly crashed and I started crying. I can’t figure out why exactly. It just happened. If anyone else has that problem I’d love to hear from you.  Could it be my either my Borderline Personality acting up or my Bipolar type two? Could it be the combination of Concerta which I should be taking for ADD, but I really want to take it to lose weight. I know at my present weight I should lose any more but I can’t help it. I guess I should be-inpatient or get therapy. I should be returning to the US to get intensive therapy and continue to see my psychiatrist who said he’d treat me for free.  Could it be God working? Sometimes, even though I believe in Him; or want to believe in Him, sometimes I can’t feel Him or see Him at work despite what other people might tell me. As a result that leaves me confused, but I can tell you this much.

You see before I returned to Jamaica I’d been feverishly searching for an eating disorder center that would not only treat guys but that was affordable. That was like searching for a needle in a haystack. A few of the ones I did find were quite pricey and I have no insurance. Many of them in Washington don’t cover high-risk cases and an eating disorder  is considered to be high-risk. It was when I went to my psychiatrist to figure  out options that he introduced me to this therapist that if God wills I’ll work with. He then said he’d treat me for free. Are there many doctors who would do that?

Yeah I just wanted to write this out and vent about my moods swings. I’m feeling a little better just writing this out. I’m going to try to eat some jello although I’m worried it might make me gain weight. And I’m also going to watch Operation Repo on Tru TV. They say that station is based on actuality but it sounds like an oxymoron to me; based on the fact that they aren’t all that real. I guess they’re just based on true-life situations but I’ll quit talking about that lest I get sued. Take care and I’ll write some more another time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Read Full Post »